Transcript:

All right, where do I start? First things first. I am thrilled to have a new president. I am thrilled to have Kamala Harris, our first female vice president, our first black vice president, our first vice president of South Asian descent. It honestly gets me choked up every time I think about it. We still have so much work to do, but I have hope for the first time, in at least four years that we can make some big changes over the next couple of years. And if you follow me on social media, you already know, um, that I have had some big personal news. Um, I lost my best friend right after the election. She died unexpectedly. And, uh, we've spent the last couple months mourning and taking care of our family and friends. And I also wanted to say that we've been on the receiving end of so much love and kindness from this community that I wanted to say, thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is not the last, uh, you'll be hearing about tests or this big hole in my heart, but I just wanted to put that out there. As something that I'm working through, um, and reconfiguring what my future looks like, uh, with that big hole in my heart. So thank you for being there for me and thank you for having patients, um, with me and my process. So now onto today's show, I'm calling this February is the new January. Can we all agree that January, 2021 was not the brand new year. We'd all been promised, then selection, impeachment in the, in the inauguration. And that was just on Wednesdays. And in my head, I always had it that I would need to get to the inauguration before I could really feel like we were done taking out the trash from 2020. And for the last decade or so, I've been playing with this idea of not starting a new year before the old one was finished. I know tons of people start thinking of their goals, like in October, November for the next year. And I have to say, I have just makes me anxious. I am anti that. So what I like to do instead is Reveley reveling in the holiday season, which means relaxing. As much as I can and the months that are super busy and just letting the season be what it is, and really focusing on the connection that I can get with my family and myself, and really cozying and to the seasonal change. So what I'd like to do is wait till January comes and then spend the entire month of January. Really. Like looking over what happened the year before choosing a word of a year and then really sitting down and thinking, what do I want to do with my life over the next 11 months? So if you're feeling behind please, don't we have 11 more months of the year. And we can make change in our lives. Anytime it doesn't have to happen in January. So this is just your reminder. You're not behind, there's no race, the pandemic's not over. And perhaps we set our goals with those gentle reminders, um, in our hearts before we get at this year. So how do I start my year? Some practices I love are choosing a word of the year. I've been doing this. I don't know for like 15 years when I was a teacher, I did it mid-summer because I like to reflect on the school year and. You know, it just made sense to me that that's what, how I was living my year. So my words start coming up with me and they start bubbling up and I start thinking about them mid summer, late summer in the fall. But I really, you know, I audition words before. I take one on, cause I really try to like incorporate the word, uh, in all aspects of my life. So if you're not sure what that's about, you can go on my website and search through my blog archives, where I talk all about words of the year that I've chosen in the past. Um, one year I chose connection one year I chose listen, one year I chose don't take it personally. I have to say that was probably one of the most, um, life-changing. Um, years, because it was such a practice that I needed to take on. And this year, my word came to me as a gift from a friend. Actually, it was from Naomi who I interviewed in episode 71. Um, I had a bunch of words in mine. And when I mentioned what the words I was thinking about taking on for 2021, she said, Oh, for some reason, I had a flash that your word would be processed for 2021. And I thought. Well, goodbye. All other words, I no longer need you because that word was gifted from the F the heavens. I feel like it was exactly what I need for 2021, which is to slow down, to give myself time, to process my loss, to give myself time to process. Well, everything. I mean, we've all been living through. This global pandemic and it's, it's a lot friends. So if you're feeling like it's a lot, maybe we choose a quieter word this year. So if you're not sure how to choose a word of the year, like I said, you can search my blog archives. Um, I actually took a workshop, a vision spark workshop with my friend Rosie milliner. Molinari who I interviewed in episode 11, about how to say yes, wholeheartedly. Pro tip has a lot to do with saying no. Uh, she. Has a really great system for choosing word of the year. Um, she's really great at reflection and setting wholehearted goals. So I love working with Rosie. Um, all sorts of folks are doing work around the word of the year. Allie Edwards, who I interviewed in episode 18. She has a program called one little word and you can learn more about it and her at her website, or you can visit the show notes for episode 18. And if you never caught that episode with Allie, I'd love for you to listen. And Susanna Conway is another coach who, uh, is generous enough to offer a class is a five day class on choosing a word of the year. And you can just Google Susanna Conway word of the year. And there you have it. One of the other gifts that Susanna gives every year is she does a workbook called unravel your year. In the last couple of years, I have been doing that. Um, unraveled book with a group of amazing women here in Sacramento, and we did it live one year and then last year we did it on zoom. And this year I am doing the work on my own. So I'm making sure that I set aside time every month to make sure that I am revisiting that workbook and revisiting my goals and seeing if I'm on the right track of where I want to be going. And then the practice I want to share today is from the happier podcast with Gretchen Rubin and Elizabeth Craft. And it is the 21 for 21 list. The basic idea is you write down 21 things you'd like to do in 2021. A lot of people when it comes down to it, They make like 21 resolutions. And I look at other people's less than I start sweating under my armpits and thinking, Oh my God, that would make me want to stay in bed for the rest of the year. So I made a list 18 for 18. In 2018, I made a 19 for 19 lists. And for some reason I skipped the 20 and 2020 list. Maybe I knew deep down some shit was going down and I don't recall actually making a 20 for 2020. Oh, I did make one, but it was all financial stuff. Interestingly enough. Now I remember that. Um, but anyway, today I'm going to share my 20. One for 21 list. Um, the reason I share today is to give accountability for myself because the more I talk about my goals, and you could enter your name here. The more you talk about your goals, the more you think about your goals and where you write down your goals, the more people you tell, the more likely you are to actually meet your goals. Um, And I want to give you some ideas for ways to set goals that you actually want to do in an uncertain year. So my goals fall loosely into categories. The first category, coincidentally is also my word of the year. And that is process. When I think of process in this context, some of the things I want to do in 2021 are things that I do over and over again. These are my favorite kind of, um, List to complete in a year because they focus on my active participation rather than on the outcome, because reminder we don't control the outcome, we control our action. So one of those, as an example is I want to contact Congress at least 52 times in 2021. Why? Because. Democracy, just like your goals requires active participation to get things done. How will I know what I want to talk about? Well, that's a good question. I will follow some Twitter accounts of organizers that have been in the resistance. I will follow the lead of organizations that I believe in their mission, and I will not wait until I have a damn PhD in political science to actually contact my. Congresspeople, and you don't have to do that either. It can be simply you call during off time, which is a pro tip for introverts. You don't have to talk to anyone, just leave your name and your zip code, and then say, I agree with, or don't agree with X, Y, Z, give a reason or two and hang up. Your voice has been counted. And I have to say as somebody who used to sit on the other side of the phone for these things, Calls matter calls matter, you guys. And if you do catch somebody live that answers the phone. It's really likely that it's like a college student, so don't be freaked out. All right. So that's a process goal. The next category that my goals fall out, uh, fall into is figuring my shit out. So why does getting a new thing, make me freeze up and pretend like that new thing? Isn't there an example. I bought an air fryer PS, one of my best pandemic purchases, because now I can eat as many French fries as I want at my house while they're hot. Cause nobody likes to take out French fry. But I got the air fryer and then it sat in my dining room, staring at me from the box for a month, because as soon as they got here, I was like, hooray. And then I freaked out, like, I don't know how to use it. And I was telling myself, and you don't know how to use it, so therefore you will mess it up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And at the story I was saying is I don't have enough time to learn. Okay. We all know that's BS. So I've been doing some experiments with starting new things, small steps, reminding myself that new shifts heart. And I just have to start. There you go. I'd got over myself. I started and now I'm making French fries all the time. So I have a couple of other purchases that are sitting here in my house. And I'll tell you about them later that I have to. Just figure my shit out. The third category is new ways of working. I've been working one-on-one with clients for years in 2020, I had several live rounds of deferred maintenance, my group coaching program. And this year I'm an experiment with self-paced classes in order to offer my work in new ways. That way you get access to my work at a much lower price. I get to work one-on-one with people and. I do the work once and lots of people can benefit. So I'm going to experiment in 2021. So if you are excited about the idea of some workshops, make sure you get on my newsletter list and you can do that when you go to my website, www.tamihackbarth.com and you can. Click on any of the links to say, Hey, I want to sign up and then I'll send you a free gift called your 20, 21 self care planner. All right. And then the last category that my 24 21 list, um, comes in at is these are things that I actually want to do. So many times I see people put things on their list of things that they don't want to do. Like, I don't know, lose weight. They want the thing, they want the outcome, but they don't want to do the work to get there. So my goals are helping me achieve the life that I want, rather than a list of resolutions of things that I'm going to stop doing. I think actually wanting to do the thing that you're setting yourself up to do. We'll help you actually achieve your goals. So something to think about as you set your goals for 2021. All right. Without further ado, here is my 21 four 21 list. And again, they only fall into four categories. Number one, use your cast iron skillet. I got one for my birthday. A couple of years ago. I got freaked out. Didn't know how to use it, and now I need to clean it, prep it and use it once. I have 11 months to use this cast iron scale. At one time before I have met that goal today, I want to plant 48 daffodils or tulip bulbs to commemorate my best friend who died when she was 48. And I want to plant bulbs of spring flowers because her birthday is in spring. And they're perennials and they'll come up every year. And I can't wait to have that as a greeting for us next spring, number three, find a new therapist, PS guys, I'm gray started this process and it turns out lots of health insurance companies are covering the cost of mental health care. So if you are feeling like you could use some support. At a low cost start with your, uh, general care provider or call the County and see what kind of mental health services are available in your area. Number four, meet with my assistant Katie, the best person on the planet right here. Hi Katie, uh, meet with her once a week to actually discuss work goals so I can stay on track. Number five, make a painted bead necklace. Does anyone else ever buy supplies for things and then put them away and never make the project? Oh, just me. Okay. So this year is going to be a year of using stuff I have already purchased or by the end of the year, if I have not made said bead necklace, I'm going to go ahead and give those beads away on my, uh, neighborhood free group. Because you got to use it or lose it, friend. Um, all right. Number six. I want to make a mask chain. Cause it's a little project I can make with my kid. I think it will be really cute. I want to water color. 52 times. I know 52 watercolors. I started this already. I have one. So I just got to do either. One every day for six weeks or just once a week, we'll see how it goes. Um, attend an online grief support group. Again, I'm getting, um, all the resources for taking care of my mental health and really processing grief through 2021. I think a lot of people are going to be on the, in need of those kinds of supports. And so I want to, uh, brush up on. What's available in my area so I can pass that on to other people as well as benefit, um, by grieving with people who've lost people recently, like it's a big deal. All right. Number nine is contact Congress at least 52 times. Number 10, learn how to cast or mirror my iPhone to my TV. I don't even know if I have the vocabulary yet, but I, I have heard rumors that you can make your phone and your TV work together. And I don't know how to do it yet, but I really want to do that. Um, cause I have some stuff on my phone. I want to share with my kid and I'd rather do it on a giant TV. All right. Some more process goals. Walk for 30 minutes, 240 times. I know why not 365 because. That sounds crazy to me, practice yoga 200 times, strength train 100 times. Yes. I'm going to be keeping like gold star charts, checkoff lists tracking every month. These things work for me, these tracking things and, and putting these process goals. Notice, I didn't say fit into a, a different size pants or. Go on a yoga retreat or whatever. I just, I want them to be processed goals because these are habits I'm cultivating and they're things that I'm paying attention to and making sure that I have them in my 21 for 21 list makes me look at them all the time and go that's right. I'm focused on these things. Okay. Make 12 new vegan recipes. I don't know about you, but I am. I have been, um, not feeling cooking the 100000000th meal during shelter in place slash quarantine. And so I need some new recipes, uh, since setting this goal, I've already tried three and I am thrilled. Last night, I made tofu ricotta. I know a lot of people just went ill, but I'm allergic to dairy. So tofu, ricotta ravioli, and it was so easy and so delicious. So, uh, more new recipes for our family and 2021 number 15, collaborate on a grief series for the podcast. I know you guys are all waiting to find out more about grief, but. It'll come in handy someday. So I want to make sure I create that resource number 16 started democracy club. And if you don't know it, didn't ocracy club is I interviewed the creator of democracy club, Asha Dorn Fest in episode, number 70, go back and check it out and go read her, um, op ed and the Oregonian all about how to. Get involved and stay involved without it being your job. But being an active participant in democracy is going to be important for all of us going forward if we haven't already been there. So again, putting that out there as I want to make sure I'm making a big enough difference in how things work. All right. Number 17, watched 12 skill share classes and experiment with this new information. I bought a subscription to Skillshare because I was watching a, my favorite YouTuber. And then I realized I wasn't using it. And then the other day I thought, you know what? We'll make sure you use it. Put on that 21 for 21 list. Then I watched a 30 minute watercolor. Uh, video class and my kid has been water coloring every day. Since then I've made one and now I have a goal around water color. So if you haven't yet heard of Skillshare, go check them out. Um, lots of great classes. Number 18, read 12 books I already own. Okay. If you follow me on Instagram, which I hope you do, you can find me there at Tami. Hackbarth, you know, I read a lot. In fact, I have my own hashtag, which is hashtag Tammy reads a lot. If you're friends with me on good reads, you know, I read a lot and here's the thing. What I haven't been doing the last couple of years is reading the books that are in my house. Like I get a book as a gift. Totally forget about it. Get it, get a book from a free library. Totally forget about it because I'm so focused on doing audio books on my phone and reading for my Kindle that I totally forget to read books on paper. So I have a goal now to read 12 books I already own and then pass them on via the little library down the street from our house. Okay. We have another, I bought a thing and didn't set it up. Got a robot robot vacuum. And I need to set it up. It's sitting in the box. The box has dust on it. Need to use it or return it. Number 20 monthly unravel dates, uh, with myself on the last Sunday of every month. Remember unravel is that excellent workbook from Susanna Conway? And, uh, number 21 finish at least one online course I've purchased over the years. I don't know about you, but I have a lot of half finished courses in my inbox. And I would like to actually finish some classes because I know all the stuff that I have purchased from wonderful coaches and teachers throughout the years is great information. And I don't need more of it. I need to finish what I have. And finally, one that pertains to all of you is. This is the bonus. This is asterix. Number 22, release the self care quick start a new mini course, and the quarter one of 2021 released deferred maintenance as a self study class in quarter two of 2021. And I'll also be doing three live rounds of deferred maintenance in this year and ways. If you would like to work with me on life satisfaction and. Doing that one-on-one I am available. I have a couple of clients spots, um, each month. So whenever you're ready, I'm here for you. All right. That's it for now, friends. I hope to connect with you more in 2021. Head on over to the show notes at www.tamihackbarth.com/episode 72, where you can find the links for the references that. I talked about it on the show. I also have the 20, 21 self care planner available for you and be sure to follow me over on Instagram until next time. Remember that you matter too.